“Don’t be a quitter” lesson from my dad sticks with me nearly 30 years later

I don’t talk much about my dad in my blogs. But that’s only because I write mainly about caregiving, and I didn’t have the honor of caring for Daddy as he grew older. He died at age 58. It was one of the biggest shocks of my life, and left me reeling for quite some time.

There are many wonderful and enduring memories of Daddy – his big bear hug, his boisterous laugh, his emotional openness. He also taught me
with some very good lessons that have stood the test of time.

I remember him always encouraging us to do whatever we might dream up – whether a summertime car-washing concession, a rainy day song-and-dance show (in the basement), or a loftier idea to start a business later in life. His encouragement showed through when things got tough, too.

When I was 14 years old, I enrolled in the lifeguard certification training course at our local YMCA. I was a good swimmer, but the course was demanding. I was one of a very few females and among the youngest in the class of 30 or so.

I was doing relatively well in the class – including learning a modified drown proofing technique and various reaching, throwing, approach and rescue drills. That is, I was doing well until the drill where we had to swim the diagonal of an Olympic-sized pool – underwater. It just seemed impossible to me after several (failed) attempts. I was very upset, since successful completion was a requirement for certification.

We were halfway through the 8-week class when I learned of this requirement (and my apparent lack of ability to meet it). So I went to my dad to ask for permission to quit. I just couldn’t see the point of attending the remaining classes if I already knew I couldn’t “pass” and obtain my certification in the end.

“You’re not going to be a quitter.” That’s what he said to me. It wasn’t just that the course had been paid for and was non-refundable. Or that I was starting to look like a repeat offender, having recently quit my piano lessons after nearly 2 years. Somehow he knew, deep down, that the struggle of TRYING to achieve my goal – whether I made it or not – would be of great value to me.

Once the option of quitting was removed, I was left with the need to TRY. At first I felt sorry for myself, as any good 14-year-old might. But somehow, I turned that corner and set about figuring out how I could succeed.

I practiced night after night, submerging myself face-up under the water in the bathtub, holding my nose and breath for increasingly longer times. When I went to class, I got there early so I could practice my new breath-holding skills as they improved.

And guess what? I managed to pass the course and obtain my lifeguard certification. That summer, I got a lifeguarding job. It changed my life to have that responsibility (and a nice paycheck) starting so young! In this one lesson from my father, I learned first-hand:

• That sweet feeling of succeeding at something you set out to do
• How to build my own confidence
• Why it’s good to challenge the seemingly impossible goal

It must have been difficult for Daddy to remain strong as he watched me struggle. I’m sure I cried and looked pretty pitiful at first. But he knew at some level that it would build character in me to finish the course, so he stuck to it.

Thanks, Daddy, for taking the hard line all those many years ago!