Father’s Day AND the First Official Day of Summer!

I don’t talk much about my dad in my blogs. That’s because I write mainly about caregiving, and I didn’t have the honor of caring for Daddy as he grew older. He died at age 58. It was one of the biggest shocks of my life, and left me reeling for quite some time.

There haven’t been many days in the past 31 years that I haven’t thought of him – especially on Father’s Day.

I have many wonderful and enduring memories of Daddy – his big bear hug, his boisterous laugh, his emotional openness. He also taught my sisters and me some very good lessons that have stood the test of time.

Daddy was an independent sort, and he definitely marched to the beat of his own drum. He taught us to count our blessings, to believe in ourselves and to live boldly.

One of his other lessons was: “Don’t be a quitter.”

I’ve talked before about how my dad wouldn’t allow me to quit the lifeguarding certification class that I was enrolled in when I was 14 years old. I had run into a roadblock and wanted to drop out rather than “fail” the class. Instead, I was told that I had to complete the course whether I passed or not.

And guess what? I managed to pass the course and obtain my lifeguard certification. That summer, I got a lifeguarding job. It changed my life to have that responsibility (and a nice paycheck) starting so young! In this one lesson from my father, I learned first-hand:

• That sweet feeling of succeeding at something you set out to do
• How to build my own confidence
• Why it’s good to challenge the seemingly impossible goal

Another lesson that comes to mind is: “Don’t make the same mistake twice.”

The circumstances weren’t good, but Daddy forgave me for my mis-step. He acknowledged that we all make mistakes from time to time (there are plenty to make!), and he said the most important thing is NOT to make the same mistake twice. Because I felt so supported, I was able to forgive myself and move forward. Here, I learned that making mistakes (if you learn from them) can be a pathway to improvement.

Another important lesson for me was: “You can do anything you put your mind to.”

My parents started out wanting “four boys,” and stopped after having we three girls! There wasn’t undue pressure on us to do “guy things” (although I do recall one Christmas when Santa left a figure-8 racetrack and race cars for us, and that my dad really enjoyed playing with that!). Rather, we were always encouraged to try anything we could dream up. Daddy definitely taught us not to be afraid to reach for the stars! Being encouraged to take risks is always good training.

I miss Daddy terribly, and wish I’d had the chance – and the honor – to “give back” by caring for him as he aged. Even though I know he would have been a real handful, I’m sure that he would’ve kept me laughing, and that we would’ve made the best of it.