Grateful for My Mom and Dad
This month is special to me for many reasons – but mostly because it is the month in which both my Mom and my Dad passed away. This year is a really big one – it’s the 15-year anniversary of my Mom’s passing. She would be 91 if she had lived. Daddy (who passed away 34 years ago) would have been 92.
Technically speaking, Mom passed away on Nov. 27th, but that year (2008), it was Thanksgiving – so in my mind, these two events are forever linked. I was literally on a plane traveling from Tokyo to Greenville, S.C. that day, having just learned that Mom had passed, and that I would miss her passing by 36 hours. Strangely enough, my Dad had passed away within a few days of Thanksgiving (though many years before), driving the holiday linkage even deeper in my psyche.
It’s impossible for me not to think about “what all has happened in the last 15 years” (let alone 34!), especially since I find reflection to be a valuable pursuit.
“Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.” – Margaret Wheatley
With all that in mind, here are five things I’ve come to believe over these years:
Life goes on after loved ones pass. Differently, but it goes on nonetheless, meandering its way along some unknown pathway, morphing in ways inconceivable. Stay positive and keep trying.
Time can be elusive – distant occurrences can feel like they happened “just yesterday” OR as far away (or more) than their actual time. Strive to enjoy every single moment.
Some things STILL hurt and may never be completely healed. Best to just embrace all that happens and keep moving in a forward direction.
Self-care contributes to higher quality of life, and will continue to be a lifelong challenge and pre-occupation. Never give up!
My Mom and Dad loved us with all their hearts – both fiercely, yet in different ways. They both did the absolute very best they could. I will never forget all they have given me.
On this Thanksgiving, I am so very grateful to both my parents for who they were and for all they did for me.
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The death of your parents at this time of year could mean a mass of dark clouds descend over Thanksgiving for you each year. But I’m inspired by the way you think about the beautiful connection to your parents as a way of providing even deeper meaning to Thanksgiving for you.
In a similar way, as you know my father passed away in August at exactly the time of “Obon” in Japan and so this timing also provides some real solace for me, knowing that many others are thinking about their family who have passed and return in spirit during that month. So although my father is “there” all the time, I feel particularly close to him and reflective upon all he gave me every year in August, and I think having the Obon season as the backdrop really helps as a gif to enable thatt, as Thanksgiving does for you in remembering your parents. Thanks for sharing your personal story and lots of love for your Thanksgiving 2023
I turned 88 the end of January 2024 the day before I had a successful surgery but several days after, clusters of Vertigo necessitated two trips to the hospital emergency department. I am receiving excellent medical care. I have two children and have availed myself of Long Term Care, have an agency to assist me with a social worker and numerous Zoom and food and economic information and opportunities. Until recently have had a car and still take the bus to take U of W classes as a Senior Guest Auditor. Hearing loss, needing to use a walker with a seat, taking the bus, talking on the phone, reading…….. I am out there.
HOWEVER the loneliness from the Covid years, the fright of the many recent vertigo situations, less mobility and fewer HEARTY friendships due to loss, I am ready to learn more about being a caregiver than what I learned as an only child as the only care giver for my mother during her dying of cancer at her age of 52 and my father dying of a brain tumor when he was 72. I need your present day guidance and my two daughters, one is local, do as well.
We thank you for your work.