Treasuring Memories of My Mom

It’s been nearly 11 years since my mom’s passing. She would have been 86 had she lived; that’s young in today’s world! I think of her often, and although she is not physically here, her presence in my life is real, gently guiding my pathway forward.

I’ve written before that I find it difficult to imagine the guts it took for Mom to power her way through the particular times of her life.

Like for many of your Moms, this period encompassed perhaps growing up during World War II, and certainly experiencing the exhilaration of the fabulous 50s, the rebellion and upheaval of the 60s and 70s, the materialism and cynicism of the 80s and 90s, the globalization of the 2000’s, and onward to transitioning to “all things digital.”

Even so, Mom managed her way through it all, one step at a time, with sure-footedness and sometimes, sheer willpower. In fact, I’m still amazed with the sheer will and ferocity with which she lived her life.

I’ve mentioned she loved sunsets, the beach, and the mountains, and preferred a rustic and quiet, laid back atmosphere to glitz. She was honest and very direct, and there was usually no question about where she stood on a given issue. That kind of forthrightness is in short supply these days.

I’ve also made no secret of the fact that some of my greatest comforts, shallow as it may seem, are a few key clothing items from Mom – nothing fancy, in fact, very practical pieces. But I’ve been wearing them now for over 11 years, and they are all a little worse for the wear!

• Mom’s black Helly Hansen parka, perfectly shaped and weighted, and with several noticeable holes in one sleeve (from the time I ran over it with our tractor)
• One of her black turtlenecks (the softest one), so worn out it’s already been relegated to winter sleepwear
• Her navy blue fleece vest from Venice, Italy – warm and comfortable, and with a few burn holes from our brush burning work (still great for yard work)

On a recent foray into “KonMari” closet-cleaning mania, I tried once again to give up these items, which probably in all honesty ought to be given up. On the other hand, they do bring me joy (a KonMari consideration). They also provide me with several other important emotional benefits: a feeling of being loved and safe, a feeling of pure nostalgia, a trigger for memories tucked far away in my mind.

Thanks, Mom! I’m reserving the right to keep these items, at least for a bit longer!

There are two other memory treasure troves I’m saving for a rainy day:

1. A half-trunk-sized box stuffed full of all the birthday cards and other thoughtful, caring notes and cards Mom had written me over the course of many years … some from as far back as the 5th grade! There are also a number of handmade cards I had made for her in her dying days.
2. A collection of email correspondences I discovered at an old address – emails from before Mom got sick and also during the time I care-gave for her.

I had thought I could read through these lovely mementos by now, to tell the truth. I’ve tried several times, but I cannot quite bear to read them yet, since they trigger such strong emotions. I find it a great comfort to look forward to reading these cards, letters and emails in the future, and on this Mother’s Day, I find myself wondering what treasures these boxes hold!